i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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