Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
