you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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