I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
