She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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