and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
