For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
false alarm, still single
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