We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
