bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
