i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
