Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When are your genitals available?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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