hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love you.
Bad choice
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