Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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