I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize