What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize