i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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