I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
