Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
