Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
