I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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