I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
