sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
