so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
