Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
