4 words: hood of his car
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
