i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just crazy horny about you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
