if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
