The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
