he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
