Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
