Say something about gay babies.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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