mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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