you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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