he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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