I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
