My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
