we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
