Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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