Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
