he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
