you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
