I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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