Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
