just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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