I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
