Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
