you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
