I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
