I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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