K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
