Where are you?
In a non slutty way
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
