who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
