i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
