If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
