It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
