Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
