remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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