The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
