help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
