The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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